Living with parents
| Fatwa #1051 | Category: | Country: Zambia | Date: 8th March 2024 |
| Fatwa #1051 | Date: 8th March 2024 |
| Category: | |
| Country: Zambia | |
Question
Aslm. I’ve been married and living with my parents for 3 years. My mother and wife don’t have a bad relationship, but it isn’t the best either (very normal). I can’t comment on their issues as women do tend to go through the issues, but knowing my mother, I know she is not the most understanding when it comes to girls of this new generation.
I have an older brother who moved out of the house when I got married. My mother very obviously favours him and respects him and his wife more. This has been pointed out by other family members too in confidence. My parents do not respect me and my wife and her family have been persuading us to move out of the house also, just to avoid any potential long term issues in the family.
Currently, we are renting a house and building a new personal house which can accommodate 1 family and they’ve designed it to accommodate my parents too. My brother has stated that he wishes to remain separate in his own rented flat and that when the new home is completed, my wife and I should move in with my parents. I know I’m not perfect also but to be honest my parents never have respected me and still treat me like a child, like monitoring where we go, what we buy etc. This also takes an effect on my marriage as I can’t take a leading role in my marriage due to this. I am more than capable of being independent as I do have a stable income and I studied abroad for 2 years, giving me alot of independence.
What would the ruling be from an islamic point of view? Would I be violating any rules of Shariah by wanting to live seperately? My wife does not want to live with them anymore to firstly put an end to the situation and more importantly to avoid future long term conflicts in our family (she wants everything to be neutral). She also wants to live a free life without always looking over her shoulder as to what my parents will be saying/doing. Please give some good advice. Jazakumullah-Khayra
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected Brother,
It is often difficult to find the perfect balance between the needs of the wife and the needs of the parents. When it comes to living separately, multiple issues need to analysed before a decision can be made.
For example, one’s financial situation, the parents’ financial situation, the age of the parents, the location where they reside, whether they reside all alone etc. are all matters of importance when making such a decision.
We understand that our mothers sometimes do not understand the younger generation. However, the younger generation should take it upon themselves to create a relationship with the elders. Ofcourse, this does not mean that the new wife should be overburdened such that it leads to resentment. Rather, patience and understanding is required. Old people are already set in their ways and there is little room for change. But the effort on the part of the younger generation will bring about barakah in the family situation.
From an Islamic perspective, the duty of caring for aging parents falls on their children. As our parents get older, eventually they will require physical assistance from someone to help them about their day. This is why someone usually stays with them.
Since we are not privy to your family situation, our best advice is that you should sit down with your parents and your siblings and put forward all these issues and make mashwera to try and see what each person’s views are. That is the first step to understand how to tackle this matter.
This an issue of how to practically live your life. Soliciting a ruling will not achieve practicality.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Bilal Pandor
Concurred by
Mufti Nabeel Valli
Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah
Lusaka, Zambia