Fatwa

Parents not permitting to get married !

Fatwa #690 Category: Marriage & Divorce Country: Zambia Date: 17th September 2021
Fatwa #690 Date: 17th September 2021
Category: Marriage & Divorce
Country: Zambia

Question

My sister is a 23 year old girl and there is a proposal for her since 3.5 years. The man is educated and religious. His social status is same as ours. His lineage is also comparable to ours. Although my parents investigated him and his family and everything is clear out now that the person is compatible. She have feelings for him too. But my parents are not giving their consent for this proposal just because of caste system (they said it themselves). Now as she cannot imagine marrying someone else. She have two options right now. To give up on him and do not marry at all her whole life which is leading towards fitnah and mental trauma. And on contrary she may take stand for herself in front of our parents and try to convince them (which she is trying since 1 year). In this case is she doing sin? Does this make her a characterless woman? And is there any kind of punishment for her? Is she displeasuring Allah by displeasing our parents? Because now they are cursing her. My mother father who used to love us a lot are not listening to her anymore. She cries a lot in namaz. She ask for forgiveness from Allah. Please help us to sort out all this mess. Also she is having suicidal thoughts and she don’t want to do any haram. I am her only younger sister and she told me herself that she is trying so hard to forget him but she is helpless, guilty and broken. Let me know what quran says in this case.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We take note of the contents of your email.

May the Almighty make it easy for your sister and grant her a suitable partner.

Marriage is an extremely important step and a lifelong responsibility. It is a lifetime commitment in which a long-term relationship is established as a family. In choosing a spouse, all related issues must be carefully contemplated. When one is choosing a spouse, he/she is choosing a companion for the rest of his/her life. Hence, it is of utmost importance than one makes a constructive decision, deliberates every avenue and thinks for the long term. A pious spouse will be a source of contentment and preservation of one’s Deen.

You state that your parents do not give consent due to ‘caste difference’

How different are both families? Is the boy more superior to your family? Will her marriage to him bring disgrace and embarrassment to your family?

If your sister wishes to get married to the boy in reference, she should discuss the issue with some responsible person in the family, perhaps an elderly reputable person to communicate and influence your parents to get her married.

Whilst respecting one’s parents is of utmost importance, your sister is not guilty of sin in trying to convince your parents. One should employ wisdom when dealing with one’s parents.

Your sister should try to win over your parent’s heart through serving them.  Treat them with kindness and see to their needs. Be soft and gentle with them. This will soften their heart and change their mind-set eventually.

Du’aa is the weapon of a believer. Implore Allah Ta’ala to soften your parent’s heart and change their attitude. Aameen.

 

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

 

Mufti Muhammad Patel

 

Checked and Concurred by:

Mufti Bilal Pandor

Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah

Lusaka, Zambia

 

daruliftaazambia.com